But What About Me? 4 Things Moms Can Do to Prioritize their Mental Health
Written by Sam Speaks
Here are four easy self-care rituals for the overstimulated, under-slept millennial mom. Bonus: they are easy to incorporate into your routine without costing you your firstborn.
Diaper changes, puke in your hair, one million things to do, and a heavy reliance on Google. Sound familiar?
Motherhood comes with a lot. Apart from the physical strain, there is an incredible mental load that appears overnight. The person you once were, free to do as you please, spend as you please, slips away in a blissful sweep the moment you look into your baby's eyes. While it is the most rewarding and beautiful blessing, you may find yourself thinking (in the middle of the night)… but what about me?
That girl who could go from the club at 2am to class at 8am? She’s still here. We ARE still shapeshifters, strong as steel, even when we’re on the verge of tears. We shift from house cleaner, to referee, to the one with all the answers, the “I’ll figure it out” financial adviser, the certified form signer (why are there so many?), the bum wiper, the middle of the night “I can't do this anymore” feeder... but yet, as mothers, we show up everyday and we do it. So that's why I know you can continue being the epic mom you are while ALSO taking care of you. It’s essential.
But where do we start? Here are my recommendations to try.
Get Up Before the Kids Do
Don't hate me for this, but getting up before your kids does actually really help. (If your baby is still waking up approximately 1 million times/night, this one is not for you. Tuck this step away for another day in the very near future when they do sleep. I promise, they will!) Getting up before the house is stirring took me from the most anxious I've ever been, to a calm non-reactive mom. My son is BUSY and I couldn't match or carry his energy the way he or I deserved before I started doing this. I get up, eat a small bowl of protein cereal, and drink my coffee… slowly. Do my kids always sleep while I do this? No. But because I do it almost daily, when they do need me early, I'm not on the verge of heartbreak every time they wake up. I know that sounds dramatic, but having zero time to yourself and trying to give everything to your kids is…. Exhausting. I love you but I need a minute, even if it's at the crack of dawn.
Escape Through Fiction
If you have read all the self-help books trying to save yourself but are still feeling burnt out, you may need to stop trying to fix yourself and pick up a good-ole fashioned romance novel. Fiction saves lives. Ok maybe not, but it does help us to use our imagination and feel giddy joy again, and remember, it’s ok to do things simply for entertainment’s sake. You are a mom, you are doing enough heavy lifting, while probably trying to heal your entire bloodline. Pick up a fiction novel. Thank me later.
Small but Important Rituals
Your energy attracts the life you see for yourself. Small moments throughout your day that feel a little more whimsical will transform the feelings of burnout and distaste for the day. Romanticize your look for the day, how do you want to feel? Dress as her. Make your coffee as if you’re living in a small Italian village, the aroma, the heat, the beautiful mug, the small sips. Maybe sprinkle a little cinnamon on top. Maybe you upgrade your scribbly notepad to a cute notebook with a fun pen. Throw out your old worn-out socks and upgrade them for a comfy pack of crews from your favourite store. These may seem like such small things, but in the grand scheme of things, they compound. Our lives are a series of events stacking on top of each other. As mothers we are loaded with so many things to do, but what if in the cracks there was magic? There can be.
Spend Time With Friends
Last but certainly not least. Make time to connect with your girlfriends. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, more sacred and special (other than motherhood, ironically) than connecting, laughing, sharing, crying… maybe a little gossiping with your ride-or-die girlfriends. I know it can be hard to find the time, but if you have a supportive village, leave the kids for a night, better yet, a weekend. I know you will miss them, but they will make it. Your life outside being a mom does matter. Those who are on this journey solo, this might be harder to achieve, but after the kids go to bed, have a friend come over, ask them to bring a snack, wear your coziest sweats, put on some tea (or crack open a bottle of wine), sit on the couch, munch and talk about everything under the sun. Even just an hour on a random Thursday night can make life as a mom feel easier. Girlhood doesn't end because you became a mom. In fact, it becomes even sweeter.
You got this, mama!!!
