He Was Ready for Kindergarten. His Mama Wasn’t.
Written by Sarina Rene
In Canada we are able to take 12-18 months of maternity leave, a much longer time than our neighbours to the South, but regardless of how long you have at home with your little ones, that first extended separation feels devastating.
When it was time to think about going back to work after my maternity leave, my husband and I weighed the pros and cons of returning to the workforce, or staying home. For us, it made more financial sense for me to stay home and freelance after maternity leave ended, and I feel so grateful for that I have had the chance to spend every day with him for the last four years. A lot of women have to go back to work full time and find childcare. It is one of the biggest crises we have right now, with rising costs of child care and households with two working parents. Thankfully some programs exist to supplement the cost of care, and give parents a break, especially those who have more than one child in childcare at a time.
I have lots of friends who had to go back to work at 12 months, and 18, and they told me how hard it was to have to drop of their baby and go to work. And then this fall, my son started kindgergarten— and it was the first time we had two separate days. I finally understood what all the other moms I was talking to felt like— an intense missing of my favourite person.
Spending anywhere from 9-12 hours a day as the default parent has made me accustomed to having a little shadow by my side for everything… and it has also made me realize how weird it feels to drop off my little dude at school and come home to an empty house. (WFH parents you know what I’m talking about). I can finally use the bathroom in peace, but the house is too quiet. There’s no one following me up the stairs, no one calling my name every five seconds, no one singing away and playing with LEGO while I prep dinner.
Walking to school almost felt normal, because it’s a walk we’ve done many times before for the playground. But I knew that this time, I wouldn’t be walking home with him. I was holding it together until I saw his teacher, and then the tears came. He happily ran to her without looking back, which made it both easier and harder.
I counted down the hours on that first day, wondering if he had a good day, if he liked his classroom and teachers. Did he miss me as much as I missed him?
In an attempt to make this transition feel like a positive one, I spent the morning doing all the things I loved, like thrifting and going to the cafe. It was wonderful-and when I looked at the clock…only two hours had passed. By the time pick-up came around, I had already run a few more errands, prepped dinner and done a load of laundry (and still had time to read five chapters of a book).
Now that our days will be spent apart, it’s important for me to be intentional about setting up some activities, and special moments to connect. And that applies to any parent, who stays home, or has to go back to work from maternity leave and put their baby in daycare, so I came up with a list of activities you can do at home with your toddler, preschooler or school-aged child.
BAKING
After school or daycare most kids are hungry and looking for connection. My favourite way to feed that hunger and build connection of making things together. Bake some cookies, muffins or granola bars to pack in their lunch for the next day so when they see them, they remember how much fun they had in the kitchen.
COOKING
Sometimes all you have time for is making dinner, and thats a perfectly great way to connect. Get your kids involved, have them pour, measure or stir ingredients. Sing a sing or blast some music while you’re at it and make it fun.
NATURE WALKS
After a day of sitting inside a classroom, some kids need to run around outside and get some fresh air. Grab a tine and collect leaves, sticks, acorns and whoever else you can find on your walk home from school or the bus stop.
BUILD SOMETHING
Dump out all the legos, blocks or magnatiles and get on the floor and build something together.
DO A CRAFT
Set out paper, markets, scissors and glue and let your little one get creative. Sometimes they dont want to talk about their day, but when you’re side by side working with your hands the stories can flow right out.
Sometimes the hardest part of parenting is letting them go… and it’s a lesson I expect to learn over and over again.